


reject hyperion

by dryadfiona



Category: Borderlands (Video Games)
Genre: F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-09-06
Updated: 2017-12-17
Packaged: 2018-12-24 13:23:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12013653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dryadfiona/pseuds/dryadfiona
Summary: Clearly the most straightforward way to gaining the trust of Pandora is by fake dating the girl you're actually interested in.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hey zero i know i was supposed to have this done by april. i'm sorry. i know it's september. i know this is only one chapter. consider this--i'm gay and i don't understand the concept of time.  
> for other readers--all the chapters are done, they just aren't edited, and i'm in college so editing takes Forever. this will probably be completely published before 2018.

“Where the _fuck_ are we,” Fiona says. It’s not so much a question to Rhys as to the universe, which makes sense, all things considered.

Vaults are kind of everywhere on Pandora. Not really kind of--there was The Vault, capital V, then some smaller ones, then you could make a career out of it, then you could make so much of a career out of it the entire ordeal became a chore.

(According to Athena.)

Still, as far as he’s aware, the teleportation thing is new, and entirely unwelcome.

“This is a quest,” Fiona says. He’s not sure if she’s excited or annoyed. Possibly both.

“Didn’t we _just_ get done with a quest?” Rhys says. Maybe he’s whining a little bit, but Sasha almost died (did die?) like ten minutes ago, and that was preceded by a battle inside his friend who is also a mecha-robot against an alien monster, so he thinks he has the right. “Like, right now? What treasure is this?”

“That was just the first step,” she says, and that’s all excitement this. “I’m getting this first.”

“Good for you,” Rhys says. “Can we maybe get out of whatever death trap is about to kill us first?”

\--

They do, and Rhys doesn’t get in the way once. Fiona says she’s proud of him for that, and Rhys makes fun of her back, but it’s not a cool comeback, so it doesn’t bear repeating.

He _is_ going to get her one of these days. Maybe.

They are still on Pandora, thankfully--Fiona had remembered the Vault of the Traveller had teleported all over the universe and Rhys had just sit down and put his head in his hands--but the monster’s dead, so they’re probably safe?  
“So,” Rhys says. “What now?”

“We call our friends,” Fiona says. “Can’t you use your arm to call Loader Bot or something?”

“Oh,” Rhys says. “Yeah.”

“I’ll call Sasha,” she says.

“Y-yeah, cool,” Rhys says, hoping she doesn’t notice.

Fiona notices, because Rhys is hardly subtle and also they had a conversation about this like twenty minutes ago.

“Look, not to bring this up again--” she starts.

“Then...don’t?” Rhys says.

“Shut _up_. Listen. She likes you, you like her, you have my blessing, whatever, just--” Fiona grabs his arm and yanks him so that they’re making uncomfortably intense eye contact. “Don’t hurt her.”

Rhys nods, because he won’t and because Fiona has this ability to scare him into not actually talking when her voice goes cold like that.

“Good,” Fiona says, and smiles at him.

“You’re learning a lot from Athena, huh.”

\--

As it turns out, they are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay on the other side of Pandora. It isn’t halfway across the universe, but given the distance they have to walk before LB and Sasha can meet them, it feels like it, just a little bit.

“Stop whining,” Fiona says.

“I’m not _whining,_ ” Rhys says. “I’m just _saying_. All that loot and there isn’t one thing that can make them get over here faster?”

“We are walking less than an eighth of the way. Are all Hyperion assholes this lazy?”

“First of all, Atlas now, thanks. Second, I took down Helios myself--”

“--on accident--”

“--and _third_ , you’ve met Vaughn.”

“That’s…” Fiona pauses. “A fair point.”

“Ha,” Rhys says. His heart isn’t in it.

The Pandora desert is really, _really_ hot.

\--

They’ve walked about half the distance they need to walk before Fiona says they should rest for the night. After they make camp, Rhys lies down immediately.

It’s amazing how tired you get when it’s so fucking _hot_ outside. He misses air conditioning, and also fresh water, and also not being in the middle of the goddamn desert.

“Rough day?” Fiona asks.

“I mean, we did summon a vault, fight the monster, witness someone very close to us almost die, unwillingly teleport across this planet, get almost killed by a death trap, and then walked a sixteenth of the way across this entire hell-planet in what is likely four million degrees, so yeah, kinda. How are you not tired?”

“It was only like, 90 degrees out, calm down.”

“ _Only?_ ”

“Yeah. In summer, it gets to almost 120? Do you know anything about this _hell-planet_?” She’s not looking at him, and her voice gets a little mad there.

“Uh. No, actually,” Rhys admits. “Sorry.”

“Yeah,” Fiona says. “Don’t get me wrong, Rhys, you’re definitely better than you were, and serious points for literally knocking Helios out of the sky, but you’re a huge dick about Pandora. Still.”

“Sorry,” Rhys says. It kind of doesn’t seem like enough but he doesn’t really know what to say.

He _doesn’t_ know Pandora. He should, by now--it’s been a few months, but he isn’t really. Interacting with Pandora much. He’s staying in the Atlas headquarters, because, y’know, he won’t get killed there. He went out a couple times but only ever with Vaughn, because apparently no one really wants to fuck with his bandit king of a best friend.

Bandit king. That’s still gonna take some getting used to, though not as much as the abs.

Fiona lies down, still not looking at him, though she doesn’t seem as tense as she did a second ago. “I mean, you’re willing to learn, which is great, but willing to doesn’t make much of a difference if you never do anything to actually _listen_.”

“I’m listening now,” Rhys offers.

“Do you really think I’m in the mood to explain the complexities of my planet to you right now,” Fiona says, finally looking at him.

Again, it’s not a question.

“Sorry,” Rhys says. He’s been saying that a lot lately.

She rolls her eyes. He doesn’t blame her.

\--

When Rhys finally sees a blocky, yellow robot flying off in the distance, he (nearly) cries in relief. He’s willing to listen about Pandora and all, but this heat is too much, and he will not stand for it. Plus, he’s pretty sure he remembers Fiona complaining about how cold Helios was at _least_ once, so clearly she’s just bad at recognizing what a normal temperature is.

Loader Bot drops down in front of them, and Rhys hugs him.

“Hello,” Loader Bot says.

“How many do I owe you now?” Rhys asks.

“You did bring back Gortys.”

“Are you letting me off the--”

“So the number is only in the dozens now.”

“Ah.”

“Hi!” Gortys says, small and cheerful and not-at-all appearing to be something with the power to summon giant monsters.

“Hey,” Rhys says, grinning at her. No matter how hot it is or how many crises of confronting your own ignorance you’ve got going on, it’s hard to feel bad around Gortys. She’s that kind of person. Robot? Person.

“What happened?” she asks.

“Vault shhhhhhhhhhhenanigans,” Rhys says.

“Nice save,” Sasha says from right next to him. “But I think she can swear.”

“Swear?” Gortys says, thankfully drawing attention from the way Rhys starts when Sasha talks.

“Uh,” Sasha says. “Never mind, Gortys. You’re great.”

“Thanks! So are you!”

“Hey, Sasha,” Rhys says. It’d be cool if his voice hadn’t cracked a little bit there. “How’s the arm?”

“Still broken,” Sasha says. “But I’m not dead, so I’ll live with it. How are you? You’re the one who had to walk across Pandora in this temperature.”

“ _Thank_ you!” Rhys says. “See, Fiona, Sasha agrees--”

“I mean, it’s so cold out,” Sasha says.

Rhys stops. “Are you--like, are you actually serious, because I respect you and all, but if your opinions are that _drastically_ wrong I have to--” He notices a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. “You’re fffffmessing with me.”

“Another good save! And yeah, obviously. It isn’t that bad out but it’s hardly cold. Still, you’re wearing a suit, idiot, that couldn’t help.”

“Oh, yeah,” Rhys says. “Still, I gotta wear a shirt.”

“...why?” Sasha says. “It’s hot and you’re walking outside with a very limited supply of fresh water? I think that’s an extenuating circumstance when it comes to fashion?”

“No such thing,” Rhys says. “And, uh, I think I’d probably still keep my shirt on.”

Sasha’s brow furrows, but she shrugs and says, “Whatever, that’s your business.”

“Thanks,” Rhys says.

“Anyway,” Sasha says. “Where to now?”

“If you could take me back to where the Vault took us, actually, that’d be great,” Fiona says. “I wanna figure out what’s going on there before Athena beats me to it.”

“Athena’s busy with wedding prep, sis, I’d worry about Zer0. Who knows where they went? Also why’d you ask us to pick you up if you just wanted to go back? I’ve got my own life to get back to.”

“Had to make sure this guy didn’t get eaten by skags,” Fiona says.

“Ha ha, very funny,” Rhys says. “On an unrelated note, do skags actually eat people?”

The sisters glance at each other and don’t answer.

“Okay. Cool,” Rhys says.

“Alright, we’ll drop you there as long as you’re cool with it, Loader Bot?” Sasha says.

“Anything for my friends,” Loader Bot says.

“We don’t deserve you,” Fiona says. It’s only half a joke.

\--

After dropping Fiona off but not before she promises that no matter where she ends up, she’ll be back for Athena’s wedding (Janey would kill her otherwise), Loader Bot drops Sasha and Rhys off at Atlas headquarters.

“Thanks, LB,” Rhys says.

“No problem,” Loader Bot says. “See you soon.”

He and Gortys flies off. She waves back at them.

“They’re adorable,” Sasha says.

“Yeah,” Rhys says. “What about you? Where are you headed?”

“No clue,” Sasha says. “My last con wrapped up a bit ago and I’d rather not go into another one until my arm’s healed up.”

“So all that stuff you were saying about a life you have to get back to--”

“She’s my _sister,_ I don’t want her to worry. Plus, it’s not like I can’t hang out with you for a few days!” She punches his non-robot arm with her non-broken one. “Uh, right?”

“Yeah! Sure! Totally! Nooooo problem with that!” Rhys says.

He’s gonna _die._

\--

He and Sasha have only actually hung out a few times, at least by themselves. There was that thing with the Dungeons and Dragons game, when Sasha got really into her character’s backstory and wanted to fit it into the campaign, but Athena ragequit and the game got fucked up. (May Jolimal Taneten rest in peace.) Then there was that time when they were still trying to get the briefcase, and then--

Well. That’s it, actually.

Rhys isn’t sure what exactly they’re gonna _do_ \--his life has been almost completely work since he fixed his cybernetics.

He shouldn’t have been surprised, though.

“So you run Atlas now,” Sasha says.

“Yeah,” Rhys says.

“Atlas the weapons manufacturer.”

“Yeah,” Rhys says, narrowing his eyes.

“Could I maybe--”

“Yeah, you can see the old Atlas guns.”

" _Yes!_  Thank you!” She hugs him briefly before running off (the wrong way).

It takes him a moment to compose himself and actually go follow her.

\--

“This is the Troll,” Rhys says, but Sasha apparently knows that already, excitedly grabbing the one from the display case and examining it.

“Does it actually regenerate health? I mean, it better, that’s the main thing it’s known for--well, the only thing it’s known for, actually--”

Her words are practically tripping over themselves in such a rush to get out, and Rhys _wishes_ he was as excited about these guns as she is.

“That’s the Ogre!” Sasha says, shoving the Troll back and running towards the next gun. “Not really my style, I’m more of a Hydra girl, but it’s versatility is still _really_ cool, not to mention the explosive damage! I thought I had one of these once but it was the assault rifle, not--”

“Uh,” Rhys says. Sasha being this excited is a) one of the cutest things he’s possibly _ever_ seen and b) prone to leaving him in the dust. He doesn’t know _anything_ about these guns.

“The Chimera!” Sasha interrupts herself again, shoving the Ogre into Rhys’ hands, which is so _obviously_ a mistake. He gently puts the gun back before walking after Sasha, who’s examining a pistol.

“You know Fiona’s gun?” Sasha asks. It takes him a second to realize she’s asking him, and he’s barely said yeah before she’s off. “Okay so I thought her gun _was_ the Chimera at first but I think it isn’t, I’m pretty sure the modifications are _based_ off the Chimera but Fiona’s is still unique, but either way this gun has really cool elemental properties, I mean  _shock_ bullets! They do a surprising amount of damage, a lot of people have cybernetics or just metal somewhere in/on their bodies here--”

Rhys involuntarily moves his cybernetic arm away from Sasha. He trusts her but also cybernetics are kind of a weird subject for him right now.

“Oh,” Sasha says, pausing her ramble-rant. “I’m sorry--I mean, it is a good weapon, but I didn’t mean--sorry.”

“No worries,” Rhys says, smiling at her.

“Okay cool,” Sasha says, grinning back. “Are there any other ones like this?” She sets the Chimera back.

“Uh, you mentioned the Hydra, right?” He’s _pretty_ sure that’s a sniper rifle. “I think that’s back there--”

“Show me!” she says, grabbing his hand and tugging him along. She drops it almost a second later, mumbling something that sounds like sorry and running forward again.

Yeah. Rhys is gonna die.

\--

“Okay! Here it is!” Rhys says.

“I really appreciate the gesture don’t get me wrong but this is not only not the Hydra but this is a sniper rifle which isn’t really like a shotgun at all,” Sasha says.

“Have you stopped to take a breath once since you started talking about guns?” Rhys asks.

She punches his shoulder. It stings. “Shut up. Anyway, the Cyclops doesn’t have many special modifications compared to the other Atlas guns, but it’s _such_ a good sniper, like a _really_ good sniper, maybe one of the best on Pandora--” Sasha stops to take a breath. “Ha, see. Anyway it’s _hyper_ long-range, and it’s just really _really_ cool.”  
“You really like guns,” Rhys says. It’s a dumb thing to say, sure, but he’s too busy smiling fondly at her to really notice.

“I mean,” Sasha says. “Yeah, that’s kinda my thing.”

“How long have you liked guns?” Rhys asks.

“For ages! Long as I can remember, anyway. There’s this story Fiona tells about this time right after Felix found us--”

She stops abruptly. There’s a brief silence.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” Rhys says. “I get that it’s still kind of a sore subject…”

“I trust you, though! I really do! It’s just…”

“Seriously,” Rhys says. “No worries. I get it.”

Sasha smiles at him. “Thanks. One day I’ll tell you, I promise. Actually, I’ll ask Fiona to tell you, she tells it much better than I do. You’re sure you don’t have the Hydra?”

“I...really don’t know that much about guns,” Rhys says helplessly.

“You’re running a weapons manufacturer,” Sasha says.

“I know,” Rhys says. “I know.”

She shakes her head disapprovingly. “I definitely don’t have the energy to give you a crash course on guns right now but soon, okay? Do you even know how to shoot?”

“I know _how_ ,” Rhys says. “In theory.”

“Oh my God,” Sasha says.

“I know,” Rhys says.

“Oh my _God_.”

“I’m trying my best,” Rhys says.

“I know,” Sasha says. “You desperately need some help, but I know. When my arm’s better I’m gonna teach you how to shoot.”

He really wasn’t expecting all this time with Sasha to come up. He’s _definitely_ not complaining because she’s awesome and fun to be around and everything but it’s a lot all at once. Also, he’s exhausted.

He doesn’t want to kick her out just so he can go to sleep especially since she basically just got here, so he resolves to stay awake for as long as he can.

\--

He yawns almost a minute into trying to stay awake and Sasha says, “Yeah, I’m beat too. Is there a room I can past out in tonight?”

Oh. “Yeah, sure, but we should wait at least a couple hours, it’s like 4pm.”

Sasha nods. “Is there any food here? Fiona and I were _much_ better hosts than you.”

“You tried to shove me out of a moving vehicle.”

“Details, details,” Sasha says, but she’s grinning.

“There’s mostly just fruit,” Rhys says.

“Drakefruit?” Sasha asks.

“I’m pretty sure,” Rhys says.

“Last time you were pretty sure you took me to the Cyclops instead of the Hydra.”

“That...still doesn’t mean that much to me. I still don’t really get what that means.”

She shakes her head, half-actual disappointment and half-just being annoying. “Some host you are.”

“A _moving vehicle_.”

“Bygones,” Sasha says.

As it turns out, it was actually drakefruit this time, and as much as fruit by itself is sort of a weird and not-that-satisfying dinner, they’re both happy with it.

“So what’s been up with you? We didn’t really have a chance to catch up when we were planning for the whole Vault thing,” Sasha asks.

“Mostly just trying to figure out this company. I want to make it better than it was, y’know?” Rhys says. He hasn’t really had a chance to talk about this except for that brief conversation with Fiona, and that was overshadowed by the awkward older sister talk and teleportation across Pandora. “I mean, Atlas was never _Hyperion_ bad but I don’t want my company to be not-as-bad-as-the-other-guys.”

Sasha smiles at him (it looks fond but also that could be wishful thinking) and says, “Sounds good.”

Rhys is pretty sure his face is beet red. He thought he’d be less awkward given Fiona _told_ him Sasha liked him too, but he lives in a state of perpetual awkwardness and now he’s worried he’ll do something to make it so that she _doesn’t_.

“Rhys?”

“I’m fine,” he says. “What’ve you been up to? You said there was a con you just finished up with?”

She tells him about going to dozens of places and getting over-the-top upset to whoever happened to be nearby over losing an engagement ring, worth _thousands_. Then Gortys (Rhys can’t hide his surprise at Gortys being part of a con of _any_ kind, but Sasha waves past it with _she’s tougher than you think, Rhys_ ) would helpfully find the ring, and offer to give it to the person Sasha complained to for only one, two hundred bucks.

“I’m confused,” Rhys says. “Where do you make money here?”

“The rings are worth like $5 each, tops,” Sasha says with a grin. “But they _look_ nice and that’s all that matters. Still, I’d love to be in the room with someone who tried selling one of those to somebody who actually knows anything about jewelry.”

“Or someone who tried to sell one to Janey,” Rhys says.

Sasha snorts. “You’ve got to be in a certain mood to want to witness murder by lug wrench.”

\--

“Anything else you wanna show me before I pass out for 12 hours?” Sasha asks.

“There’s not that much here I really know yet,” Rhys says. “I guess there’s my office?”

She rolls her eyes but follows him anyway.

The office isn’t Handsome Jack’s office or anything, but considering everything that happened, that’s for the best. There’s a screen that’s rotating a couple displays about profits and inventory and a desk where he can work. Most of the work he does is with his arm and his eye, though--the place is kind of bare.

“I’m the first to admit I know nothing about business, and I’m proud of that. But that’s probably a bad sign,” Sasha says.

Rhys looks at the screen, which is currently displaying a graph that is just an arrow going straight down. “Yeah, profits aren’t great right now.”

“There’s not great and there’s that, Rhys,” Sasha says.

“This is my first company,” Rhys says defensively. “Also, no one wants to buy guns from me.”

“Why?” Sasha says. “Atlas guns are awesome, who _wouldn’t_ want them--”

“They want the guns,” Rhys says. “They just don’t want to buy them from _me_. People tend to ignore the ex part of ex-Hyperion. Which is bull, I mean, I did take down Helios and kill Handsome Jack.”

“An AI version of Handsome Jack.”

“Same thing,” Rhys says. “You think they’d give me the benefit of the doubt.”

Sasha shrugs. “I mean, I wouldn’t buy guns from you.”

“ _Hey_.”

“If I didn’t know you! Since I do I know you’re actually being genuine about all of that, or I am at least 90% sure you are--”

“Wow.”

“-- _kidding_. Mostly. Anyway, look at it from our perspective.”

“Our?”

“Pandorans.”

Rhys has lived here for a few months. He wonders when he’ll be Pandoran. He’s not sure if he wants to.

“The vast majority of us don’t know you. We can’t prove that you took down Helios because none of us saw it happen, we just saw the thing fall. You could be lying, or you could’ve done it to trick us.”

“That seems like a really roundabout way of doing business--”

“Plus, how many people died in that collision? Not just people on Helios, but Pandorans?”

Rhys’ stomach twists. “Ah. Yeah.”

“I know you didn’t have a choice,” Sasha says sympathetically. “I’d have done the same thing. Well, maybe not _exactly_ the same thing. But if I didn’t know you, how would I know that? How could I trust you?”

“You do, though,” Rhys says. “Trust me.”

She smiles. “Yeah. But _they_ don’t.”

“You’d be a good businesswoman.”

“Lies and slander,” she says, but she’s grinning.

“I’m friends with you and Fiona, and Vaughn’s a bandit king, and Athena invited me to her wedding. How am I supposed to be _more_ trustworthy?” Rhys says. He’s still not whining, but even he’ll admit he’s toeing the line a bit.

“Uh,” Sasha says. “I mean, having Pandoran friends means nothing. Handsome Jack had...well, I don’t know if I’d call them _friends_ but people he tolerated or at least pretended to tolerate here. And obviously this planet went to shit because of him.”

“I can’t believe I ever liked that guy,” Rhys says.

“Wait, like--”

“ _No_.”

There’s a moment of silence.

“Let’s not talk about it,” Rhys says.

“Sure,” Sasha says, but he doubts that she’s not going to tell Fiona as soon as she can. “You just have to spend more time actually out on Pandora, not holed up in here.”

“I’ll die,” Rhys says. She begins to protest, but he says, “That’s not me insulting this planet, I swear, but people are violent here and like you said, I don’t even know how to shoot.”

“I wish my arm wasn’t broken,” Sasha says. “You _really_ need to learn. What happened to your stun baton?”

“Uh. Good question, actually. I should get another one.”

“You can probably find one here,” Sasha says. “But still, I see your point. We should go out together!”

Rhys’ brain short-circuits. (Due to the cybernetics, at least somewhat literally.) “Uh, haha...what exactly do you mean by that?”

“Hang out somewhere other than here,” Sasha says. “What did you think I meant?”

“Nothing!” Rhys says, in a tone that obviously implies that there is, in fact, something.

“Oh,” Sasha says. “Well, that’s--that’s not what I meant.”

There’s a brief pause.

“Unless,” Sasha says.

Rhys is going to _die_.

“I mean, just ‘cause you’re friends with someone on Pandora, that might not mean much, but if you’re _dating_ someone on Pandora that’ll help.”

“Are you...asking me out?”

“Sort of,” Sasha says. “I mean, no, but I could use a place to stay to figure out my next con and wait for my arm to heal, and you need Pandora to actually trust you.”

“So you’re...yeah, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

“Rhys,” Sasha says, “Be my fake boyfriend?”

“Uh,” Rhys says.

He’s going to die, not necessarily because of this, but because Fiona is going to find out about this and kill him. He had a good life, he guesses.

“If you don’t want to, that’s cool, but there’s actually a lot of cons you can do as a fake couple,” Sasha says. “And it might seem counter-intuitive but if you can con someone on Pandora they’ll probably trust you more? Like, how else to prove you’re one of us?”

Rhys kinda likes the sound of that. If, you know, this whole idea wasn’t a complete disaster. “I’m kind of a bad liar.”

_Why aren’t you just saying no, idiot?_

“Well, you gotta work on that either way,” Sasha says with a grin. “C’mon! It’ll be fun. We don’t have to do anything over-the-top, either, we can just go out and let people make their own assumptions. They do that a lot here.”

“They do that everywhere,” Rhys says. “Everyone thought Vaughn and I were dating for almost six months. Even Yvette!”

“To be honest, I wondered,” Sasha says. “Did you guys never…?”

“There was a brief thing back in college. We both agreed it was better left in the past--we’re better off as friends, anyway.”

“Sure,” Sasha says. “Makes sense. What do you think, though?”

“About the fake relationship?” Rhys’ voice cracks again. In his defense, what the fuck is happening?

_This is a mistake. Fiona is gonna kill me. I’m gonna spontaneously combust in the process of this. I am ruining any chance I had in the first place--_

“Sure,” Rhys says.

_Fuck._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh. yeah life really hit me. this fic isn't abandoned but it will likely continue to be very slow updates. sorry!!! i hope this chapter's good!

“Cool,” Sasha says. “Are you okay with working out the details later? I’m exhausted.”

Rhys gives her a thumbs up. She returns the gesture and heads over to the room he’d shown her earlier--it’s pretty sparse, but this is a gun manufacturer’s headquarters, not a hotel, even if he does technically live here.

Okay. So. That just happened.

Rhys’ instinctive reaction, as with all or at least most previous fuck-ups in his life, is to call Vaughn. However, Vaughn and Fiona have been hanging out a lot lately and Vaughn isn’t the  _ greatest  _ at keeping secrets unless it’s literally life-or-death. (This was a major factor in their decision that the college fling would remain  _ just  _ a one-time thing.)

And while he’s sure Fiona will find out somehow and  _ then  _ murder him, he’d like to get his affairs in order first.

He’s not sure if he’s being melodramatic or realistic. It’s a common feeling since coming to Pandora.

Okay, other friends. He’s gotta talk to _ someone _ .

Sasha is, obviously, off the table. He’s not sure how to get in contact with Zer0 and unsure of how they’d help anyway and unsure if they’re actually friends? Fiona would, as previously mentioned him, kill him. Athena and Janey would not help, but would tell Fiona and laugh. Talking to August would open an entirely new clusterfuck he is not prepared to deal with, especially on top of this other, rapidly-forming fake relationship clusterfuck. Loader Bot and Gortys are gone, and also are robots.

Oh, wait, he’s a dumbass. Yvette.

Rhys and Yvette are capital-h Healing after everything that happened between them. Rhys gets where she’s coming from with the whole betraying-him-to-Hyperion thing, and even if he doesn’t fully trust her yet, they were (are?) best friends. Plus, she’s never afraid to call him on his bullshit, which is generally good in this sort of situation. He thinks? This is sort of a new thing for him and, possibly, anyone.

He’s tired. He should go to bed.

Rhys calls Yvette.

It rings three times before she picks it up with a “this  _ better  _ be good” he’s figured out means “good to hear from you, regale me with your problems” but only to him and Vaughn. Just best friend stuff.

“So I made a mistake,” Rhys says.

“Are you about to die,” Yvette asks, deadpan.

“Uh, not physically.”

“I don’t know what that means. No, don’t explain, you’re just being melodramatic. What did you do.”

Yvette and Fiona have this ability to say their questions as accusations. He hopes they never meet when they’re  _ not  _ enemies because he genuinely could not handle that level of snark thrown at him.

“So, uh, you know Sasha?”

“Is this an over-lunch conversation?”

“Better luck next time, lunch leech.”

“Leech? Wow. Anyway, yeah, I know Sasha, and I know you’re embarrassingly into her.”

“How did you--were you and Vaughn talking behind my back  _ again _ \--”

“We’ve known you for years, Rhys, I should hope we can talk behind your back about your love life or, usually, lack thereof.”

“You’re being meaner than usual today,” Rhys says.

“Sorry, you caught me at kind of a bad time,” Yvette says. “I’ll be nicer.”

“Is that sarcasm?”

“No, Rhys, give me a little credit, Jesus.”

“Okay. Sorry. Uh, so…”

“A mistake you made. Involving Sasha, I assume.”

“Yeah, so--”   
“ _ Please  _ tell me you’re not trying for a friends with benefits thing. That’s literally the worst possible course of action here. That will end up in disaster if it hasn’t already.”

“No! N-no. Kind of, uh, the opposite?”

“...what, dating without sex? Is that a problem?”

“Uh, dating without...actually...dating.”

“What the  _ genuine  _ fuck are you talking about?”

“We’re. Sort of. Uh. Fake...dating. Faking a relationship.”

“I take it back. Friends with benefits is not the  _ worst  _ possible course of action. You managed to find something else. I know I said I’d be nicer but holy  _ fuck _ , dude.”

“I know! I know. If it helps, I didn’t suggest it.”

“She did?” Yvette says. “Under what circumstances?”

“What is this, the--”

“Don’t reference old shows, Rhys, just answer the question.”

“Well, we were talking about Atlas and how no one wants to buy guns from me because Pandora still thinks I’m a corporate asshole.”

“...I mean, you’re literally a CEO.”

Rhys sighs. “Well, yeah, fair, but I’m not Hyperion-bad. Anyway, she said I needed more credibility with Pandorans and I said I never really went out and she said  _ why don’t we go out-- _ ”

“Is that supposed to be an  _ impression? _ ”

“Shut up, I can do anything from Batman to gruff post-apocalyptic badass, my impressions are great--anyway I asked what she meant and she said not dating but  _ then  _ she said if I dated someone on Pandora that would help and also there are cons she can pull as a fake couple that she wants to try so?”

The line is silent.

“Yvette, you there?”

“I genuinely do not know how to respond to this. I am speechless. I am without speech. You owe me lunch just for listening to that. You owe me  _ dinner _ .”

“C’mon, it’s not that bad.”

The line is silent again.

“...is it?”

“It’s pretty bad, Rhys.”

“Oh,  _ shit _ ,” he says. “What am I gonna do?”

“Tell her tomorrow morning you changed your mind?”

“How do I back out without her  _ knowing  _ though?”

“Vaughn’s pretty cute, tell her you finally realized you have feelings for your bro.”

“I already told her about the college fling thing.”

“Shit, why do you just toss out your best excuses like that? Uh. I’d say Fiona but considering they’re sisters that’s probably a bad idea.”

“What about you?”

“No offense, Rhys, but I have about as much interest in you as I do in the potted plant here in my room.”

“Ouch.”

“You’re like my brother! It’s weird. Plus I’m way more into girls. That, uh, actually has to do with why I’m in a bad mood.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, we can chat about my love life after dealing with  _ this _ .”

“Fair.”

“I don’t know. Everyone knows about your hero crush on Zer0 so that won’t work--”

“--to be fair, better than my last hero crush--”

“ _ Anyone  _ is better than your last hero crush, you indomitable asshole. I genuinely don’t know what to do.”

“Hear me out here--”

“--a bad idea--”

“Shut  _ up,  _ Yvette, it’s my mess and I’m gonna deal with it.”

“Historically, a  _ terrible  _ idea.”

He waits. “Are you done?”

“Never. What were you gonna say?”

“What if I just...go with it?”

There’s silence on the end of the line.

“Rhys.”

“N-no, seriously, let me finish--”

“Rhys!”

“Listen. Obviously I’m not gonna just get over Sasha, she’s incredible. But considering all of this I think I’ve ruined any chance I ever had.”

“Don’t be pessimistic, Rhys,” Yvette says. She really  _ is _ being nice today.

“No, seriously. If she were into me why would she ask to be in a  _ fake  _ relationship?”

“Deep insecurities from working as a honeypot on a hell-planet?”

“Don’t call it that,” Rhys says without thinking. Maybe Sasha’s rubbing off on him.

“On a planet full of dangerous bandits?”

“I mean, fair. But still. This might be a chance to...put my feelings to rest. Or something.”

“If you’re pretending to be in a relationship won’t that just make everything worse?”

“I don’t  _ know _ ,” Rhys says, whining a bit. Given the circumstances, he thinks he has a right. “I mean, probably? But also Fiona--”

Yvette makes a weird noise. Rhys pauses.

“So when you were talking about girl troubles--”

“I will not  _ hesitate  _ to call her and tell her everything.”

“Oooookay, never mind, then,” Rhys says (stowing away the information for future use). “But Fiona said Sasha was into me, actually she said fancies but whatever, and--I mean, I don’t know, what do you think?”

“I think you should tell her tomorrow how you really feel and be done with it, especially considering what Fiona said. She’s got a good head on her shoulders and if you say anything I swear to  _ God  _ I will kill you.”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything!” Rhys says defensively. (He was.)

“Hm. But...it’s your life, your decision. Just...be careful, alright? I don’t wanna see you get hurt.”

Rhys and Vaughn are very open about the way they feel. They used to date, after all, so they’ve pretty much experienced almost all possible awkwardness already. Rhys and Yvette are still  _ really  _ close, but genuine, kinda sappy moments like this are few and far between.

“Thanks, Yvette. For what it’s worth, hope  _ whatever  _ is making you feel bad gets better soon.”

She laughs. “Thanks, Rhys. If you try and interfere at all, I’m telling Sasha everything you just told me verbatim.”

“Wow.”

\--

After a couple more exchanges of witty banter (why is it Rhys can never be this clever with anyone but Yvette and Vaughn), Rhys yawns twice in one sentence and she tells him to go to bed.

“Yeah, probably a good idea. Good night,” he says, and hangs up.

Wearing a suit means the whole getting-ready-to-go-to-sleep process takes awhile. There’s so many  _ layers _ . Still, he gets them off, rinses the gel out of his hair, and flops onto the bed.

Surprisingly, sleep comes easily.

\--

Rhys doesn’t remember what his dream was about, which, considering most of his recent dreams are about the shitty stuff that’s happened in his not-so-distant past, is good.

He half-stands, half-rolls out of bed and wonders why the hell he’s up this early. It’s the weekend.

Oh. Someone’s knocking on his door. Who--

He remembers everything that happened yesterday, and realizes that now he actually has to, like, deal with it. Work out the details.

The  _ details _ . Where are they going? Who are they lying to? Just strangers? Their friends?  _ Fiona _ ? Fiona’d see through it in an instant, and for that matter so would Vaughn--

“Rhys?”

“Just a minute!” He hopes she doesn’t notice the voice crack.

“Alright,” she says, and there’s a distinct thud that’s clearly her leaning against the door. Rhys quickly pulls on a binder and decides pajama pants are fine because he’s  _ literally  _ in his house and this conversation is gonna be awkward anyway. “Come in!” Again with the voice cracks.

She does, and doesn’t bat an eye at his binder. He’s getting used to how Pandora just...doesn’t care. It wasn’t as though all of Hyperion was terrible, but there were the Vasquez-types. Sometimes he wonders why he misses it, just a little.

“So…” Sasha says, shifting her weight back and forth between her feet. “What are we doing?”

“You’re the con artist, you tell me,” Rhys says, pretending he can’t hear his heart pounding in his ears.

She crosses her still-working arm over the cast. “I’m not an expert in this part.”

“The fake relationship part? But I thought with August…”

She shakes her head. “No, I can fake a relationship. I’m not used to...discussing it.”

“Oh.”

There’s a moment of awkward silence, and she sighs.

“Look, I might  _ technically  _ have experience with this, but it all feels new to me.”

“We’ll figure it out together?”

Sasha smiles. “Yeah. Okay.”

“So. Uh. First thing we should probably discuss is…” Rhys lets out a long breath. “I have no idea.”

“Where are we gonna go?” Sasha asks.

Rhys freezes. “Uh. Out.”

Sasha snorts and punches his shoulder. “No shit. Where, though?”

“Not August’s bar,” Rhys says immediately.

“Definitely not August’s bar,” Sasha says with a wince. “That would...God, he’d see right through us. He’s actually pretty perceptive.”

Rhys sits on his bed, resisting the urge to cross his arms. “Do you...you know…”

Sasha raises an eyebrow.

“Like, like him?”

“Did you just ask me if I like-like someone?” Sasha says with a grin.

“No! I meant like-comma-like.”

“Sure,” Sasha says.

“I  _ did _ ,” Rhys insists.

“Either way,” Sasha says. “I really did care about him before the con.”

“Oh,” Rhys says. “Do you want to call this whole thing off and...go for it? I’m pretty sure he misses you.”

Sasha shakes her head. “No, that’s...I  _ did  _ care about him. I don’t think I do anymore.”

“Someone else you’re interested in now?” Rhys asks, well-aware he’s pushing his luck.

“None of your business,” Sasha says, but it’s playful rather than sharp. “Okay. Details.”

“Details,” Rhys agrees.

There’s a beat of silence.

“God, we’re so  _ bad  _ at this,” Sasha says.

“Yeah.”

“When we’re out…” Sasha says. “What are we gonna do?”

“What do you mean?” Rhys asks. “Pretend to be a couple, right?”

“Yeah, but like…” Sasha leans against the wall, looks down at her feet. “Are we going to just hold hands, or…”

“Oh,” Rhys says.

Sasha puts her face in her hands. “God. This is so awkward.”

Rhys falls back against his bed. She moves to sit beside him.

“Rhys,” she says.

“Yeah?” he asks, staring at his ceiling.

“I think we can do this,” Sasha says. “But we gotta put in 100% effort.”

“So…” Rhys says.

Sasha flops down beside him. He turns to look at her.

“So,” Sasha says. Her cheeks are dark. “Uh.” She closes her eyes. “Fuck. This is gonna be so  _ fucking  _ awkward.”

“Hey,” Rhys says. “It’s just me.”

“I’ve only known you for like a week,” Sasha says, eyes still closed. “If that.”

“Shut up,” Rhys says.

Sasha opens her eyes and looks right at him. “Can I kiss you?”

Rhys tries to say “yes”. Or maybe he tries to say, “What?” No, actually, he just tries to say actual  _ words  _ as opposed to the weird half-cough, half-squeak he manages.

She doesn’t take it back, or laugh, or even roll her eyes. She just waits, looking just as awkward as he feels.

“Uh,” Rhys says.

“If you want to call this off…” Sasha says. “If it’s too awkward, or if you want to do less, that’s totally cool.”

“Yeah,” Rhys says.

“Okay. Another plan to build your credibility on Pandora, then--” Sasha starts to sit up.

“No, I meant--uh...” Rhys sits up, too, reaching out an arm to make sure she doesn’t leave.

“Oh,” Sasha says.

“Yeah,” Rhys says. “I mean...yeah.”

There’s a moment of silence, and Rhys is sure he’s  _ colossally  _ fucked this up when Sasha mutters something inaudible and scoots closer.

Rhys, unable to take the tension of waiting much longer, puts his (non-metal) hand on her cheek and leans in.

The kiss is chaste and short and Rhys very nearly collapses against her when she pulls back. It’s not as though he’s completely...you know, it’s just.

It’s  _ Sasha _ .

She smiles, eyes still closed, and says,  “We can definitely pull this off.”

Rhys’ heart drops.


End file.
